So what is new with you? Me? My title changed. My description changed. Why? Well, because I've gotten to the point in my life that I can't cry anymore and I'm not depressed and not angery and could care less whose pregnant and whose not. It's been 3 years of trying with no luck except a loss. Bitter? No, just confused as to of why I'm still childless.
I've had about enough of the "Why don't you adopts" and the "Maybe your doing it wrongs" and the "Maybe your not meant to be a mothers"...people suck...and don't forget my all time favorive "It'll happen!!!" really? You said that 3 years ago and it still hasn't. If you noticed today is November 2nd. One day after we were supposed to start our fertility treatments. I was pretty much fine for a couple of months leading up to yesterday. Mike and I have never gotten along so well. However, yesterday hit me like a ton of bricks in my stomach. I had finally realized I'd waited a full year for nothing. I cried pretty much all day yesterday because we aren't going to be starting treatments. One day of crying seemed like enough though and I've moved on. Now thinking about it not one tear do I shed for my lost treatments. No anger. No bitterness. No stress. Just confusion...
And so I depart on a new journey. One with hope like all the others. One with a fresh start. One where I can hope for all my dreams to come true. One that has the chance to work. Optimistic? Maybe...mostly happy that I can even try. Happy that my cysts have finally faded into history. Femaprin added with soy added with Metformin may just be my ticket to becoming a mother.
Enough is enough....and I do feel this way. I've had enough...but I've hit the wall and now it's all downhill from here. I figure if I keep telling myself enough is enough then maybe my body will finally say to itself "Megan's suffered enough guys. Lets show her how miracles happen!" I swear body you better start saying that phrase over and over or the next punch you get in the stomach will be from me!!! hahah!!
P.S. Sorry I've been such a shitty friend to ya'll. I'll get better.
